Thursday, 3^rd March 2005 | 3:40 PM
New anxiety to mask existing ones

Tomorrow I start French class. It's once-a-week for eight week prep class for the DELF A3/A4 exams. FINALLY I'm doing something about it - like not letting 2 years of French in university go down the drain. But I'm still having heart palpitations and anxiety attacks about it now - hearing the receptionist and the bookshop staff refer to my class as being in "Advanced" level doesn't help at all. I barely can string two sentences together in perfect French. And I'm afraid I might be so lost in class and having everyone wonder how on earth I got into this class when without remembering what imparfait tense is or plus-que-parfait tense is or getting her complements d'objets direct et indirect straight.

So in true proscratinator style (around since 1990), I'm now trying to cram some French exposure to get my mind thinking in French mode. Today, it involves listening to the soundtrack of Les Choristes, with the CD on repeat mode. Not that I can make out French words ultra-clearly in choral singing, but that doesn't matter. Anyone with some vague idea of language acquisition know that constant exposure to a language is the key to mastering it. Also, I need to assuage my ears after painfully watching and listening to Beyoncé mangling Vois Sur Ton Chemin at the Oscars recently (my youngest brother, who doesn't know any French, went, "I don't think that's French she's singing?". By the way, what was the deal with Beyoncé monopolising the performances on the show for the Best Song nominees? Are there no other good singers in America left?

I bought a new French-English dictionary, one with a grammaire supplement. Probably not very wise, as it explains French grammar in English. Too confusing. I'd have to remember what the tenses and sentence formation is called in English, and then recall what the French call them and then try to match them. Suddenly random snippets of my French grammar knowledge is coming back to me in bits and pieces today. I suspect I just might do a tad better with oral and listening than writing and reading French. Anyway, I bought a new dictionary because I'd never owned one before. The one I used while in uni (and in France) was loaned to me by a friend. She loaned it to me before I can even say "ok" to her suggestion of she had a French-English dictionary and could loan it to me.

I tried to ward off the anxiety (Advanced level?! But I've only had two years of French!) by shopping for some new stationery. This is a tactic I used for years while I was still studying. So basically I've discovered my stationery fetish of sorts. Pilot pens are still the best, as far as I'm concerned. But I still have my pencil case well-stocked with colourful pens and complete stationery back from uni days. So I guess I'm set.

If anything, having something to work at will distract me from work. Office politics is getting me down so much that I was contemplating getting the Idiot's Guide to Office Politics while I was at a bookstore earlier this week. The other company is moving to our premises this weekend, and the whole company will be physically merged by Monday. There are still kinks to be ironed out, considering both sides were once competitors but now have come together. Meanwhile I think I should get intimate with some knowledge of Machiavelli. I should have known that my life-long obsession with spy shows, psychology and observations of human behaviour plus a distaste for politics were ominous signs.

So yeah. Work sucks. If not for the fact that I need a regular salary to sustain regular obligations and responsibilities I would have eagerly been footloose and follow my heart (and do the struggling writer or tutor kids for a living) and travel the world or something. As it stands I am still about $14000 in debt. I'm trying to balance paying off a debt, a sense of job satisfaction, expenses inclusive of trying to enjoy some of my hard-earned money, while trying to accumulate savings for the proverbial rainy day as well as financial freedom. Not including the whole mess with the family. No wonder I'm having a quarter-life crisis.

- last entry / next entry -

recent entries:

Monday, 27^th February 2006 - My house of cards finally comes down

Saturday, Feb. 25, 2006 - Books and fitness

Thursday, 23^rd February 2006 - Still fat and sleepless

Monday, 13^th February 2006 - Fat sleepless me

Sunday, 5^th February 2006 - It's more than just cartoons