Monday, 17^th January 2005 | 2:29 PM
Push, pull, GO! MOVE!

I don't know if it's a Singaporean thing or what, but lately I've been feeling like no matter how much or how many hours I put in at work, the mountains of work on my desk still show no sign of reducing. It's making me feel so stressed out and helpless. And so so tired. Last week, I stayed back till more than 9pm for 3 nights working here. I did clear a whole bunch of stuff away from my desk, so it was quite productive and it made me feel better, but then the next day on more things landed on my desk, my list of to-do things grew again, and I feel like I'm still back to square one.

I'm having this dark thought that the day my desk will be really clear, is the day I won't be here anymore.

I'm so tired out. The commute and working for hours straight tires me out physically. Working extra hours really tires me out mentally as well. Like last weekend, I was so tired out that without realising it, I was lying in bed staring at my door for a while. I was so zonked like that.

I feel like I'm under pressure to do more, do more, work faster all the time. And I feel like because I can't, I'm somewhat incompetent or something.

By the way, if work can't tire me out emotionally, then no worries. There's always my family I can count on to do that for me. My mom's leaving her current job because she can't stand her supervisor anymore. So now I have to help her hunt for new jobs. I have to help her write résumés. With the PC at home down, I only have my PC at work to rely on. And with me being so busy, HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND TIME TO DO THIS? I take forever just working on my own résumé!

I feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions, and that I'm being pushed to move very fast in many different directions. When I just actually, just for one hour or so, just want to be on the spot. Still. Calm. Blank.

An impossibility.

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