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Tuesday, 5th April 2005
| 1:51 PM Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me. Why does my mind go blank at times? When I'm in a power-meeting, being asked for my opinions, and somehow I always think it doesn't matter what I think because I lack the experience, and the credibility in this line. When I cannot, for the life of me, justify what I feel or think about something I was asked about. It's not as if I'm stupid. It's not as if I can't think. But my mind really goes blank at the strangest moments. Like I'm sitting here at the PC and then suddenly I realised my mind has gone blank for the past don't know how long. I'm not that old yet. Apparently, at a medical check-up last year that I was ordered to undergo by my company following the merger, I was diagnosed as being anaemic. I don't know if I still am - I've read and heard that it can go away. But apparently the company, following that diagnosis, has decided to not pay for medical expenses that I might incur relating to that condition. I find this a tad unbelievable - that they took so long to inform me, and that they can choose not to pay forever for a condition that may or might not be permanent. I have decided to seek out a second opinion once my period is over. Everyone tells me it's nothing to worry about, but I choose to take the company's stance as something serious. It's not as if I can change their stand, but I just want reassurance. I've never before been diagnosed with this, I never thought I would get it (no thanks to my lifetime weight problem, I have perennial fear of diabetes and hypertension and other obesity-related diseases that the Doctors of Doom love to scare you with). I can't remember if I mentioned it here, but I also have very small veins or something and taking blood out of me is an ordeal. The medical people can never seem to find the right vein to draw blood from me easily and quickly. At that last medical check-up, I was in the clinic for one and a half hours before they successfully drew a sample from me. Considering they pricked unsuccessfully at me for three times prior to success, I was quite traumatised. There was once I had to donate blood for my cousin who has a blood disorder, and the nurses took forever to find the vein too. I'm not fond of needles, but I've never been the little girl who ran away at doctors who were supposed to give you injections. Recent experiences like this, however, have me dragging my feet to the clinic even more. That said, if I really still have anaemia, it explains a lot of things about me. -
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recent entries: Monday, 27th February 2006 - My house of cards finally comes down Saturday, Feb. 25, 2006 - Books and fitness Thursday, 23rd February 2006 - Still fat and sleepless Monday, 13th February 2006 - Fat sleepless me Sunday, 5th February 2006 - It's more than just cartoons
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