Monday, 5^th September 2005 | 7:29 PM
Down down

I only got about an hour of sleep last night. I had major insomnia, maybe the nap in the daytime was to blame. But I ended up finishing Marian Keyes' Sushi For Beginners.

I've heard so much about this author and I've seen this book everywhere, and Toby from work said that she's good (Toby's my nickname for a girl, by the way) so I decided to check it out. It was well-written, I keep wanting to turn the page to find out what will happen in the end. The book started out funny at the beginning, then got more serious towards the climax. The climax was a surprise to me, and while all in all it was a heartwarming ending, Clodagh & Dylan's situation saddened me a little.

It's not literary fiction, but it's not exactly the light fluffy easy read that I usually look for in chick-lit (I go for Jennifer Crusie, Meg Cabot, Robyn Sisman for those generally) or romance either. But it was decent enough, and I'll be looking for other books by Marian Keyes. Toby recommends Last Chance Saloon.

The focal theme of the novel was depression, and I don't know whether it was reading the book, on top of the potential awkwardness of my younger sister getting married before I do, added to encounters with various cynics last week, but I was a downright depressive funk last weekend. I'd actually taken Friday off work too. But when I get to be in such a mood... it's just one of days when nothing seemed right for me. I felt too ugly, too fat, too useless, too inept, too gauche, too awkward. And worse, I indulged in emotional eating and didn't feel like going out much. And right after that I felt so guilty for bingeing that I felt nauseous.

I spent all of Sunday drinking iced water by the gallon trying to curb my snacking habit.

Maybe I'm really going nuts.

I'm trying to keep myself centred and focused by reminding myself how much worse life could be. It seems to help a little, if not depress me more.

I try to squash this feeling, put it aside and get on with life. But also wonder for how much longer will it go on?

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