Tuesday, 12^th October 2004 | 8:57 PM
Pleasant suprise & ruthless distancing

A few minutes after I came into the office today, I was in the pantry making my tea for myself. I'd fallen asleep in the bus on the way to work and had missed my transfer stop so I was thinking I need some caffeine or I just might fall asleep at my desk.

MrsB came to me and said one of our publisher's agents gave me and another colleague some chocolates. She'd passed it to my boss who had to carry it all the way through the flight home. Heh. GroggyMe said, "Oh. Ok. Thanks." I think it was a very stilted exchange, but honestly, although I'm a morning person, I'm a quiet morning person. I need time to warm-up (some breakfast would help too).

So I was thinking 'some chocolate' as in a small pack the size of my hand or something. But of nice, gifty chocolate or something.

I found a package of chocolate on my desk. It was a long-package, about 50cm long, containing a single row of pralines (I don't read German, and the words on the package were German, but I can see they're chocolate). To say I was surprised was an understatement.

Wow. Of course we faxed the lady a thank you letter later.

A friend of mine is having dark thoughts if anything I read in her journal is anything to go by. I'm a little irked by someone who left the comment after me on her last entry, and said that all of us who posted sympathetic comments were "talking to her like she was a kid."

Perhaps the fool doesn't score any marks on sympathy (or even empathy, come to think of it) but sometimes I wonder if he/she/it had a point. Reminds me how bad I am with the 'touchy-feely' stuff.

For some people, they construe my expressions of sympathy as being patronising. Some people appreciate it. The truth is I basically act the same with everyone - and truthfully, I don't know how to act. I tend to distance myself from overwhelming emotion very easily and instinctively.

If it's a very close friend in real life, normally in their moments of grief or sadness I would just give them a hug, and not say anything. I would just hug them and let them say whatever they want to me. Normally that's what my closest friends appreciate. Because no matter what, I also would be thinking that nothing I say can make them feel better - I'm not in their shoes. I'm not the one who's exactly going through whatever they're going through, with whatever experience and background they have, so I'll never really know. As a friend, the best I can do is to try and be there for them, so that if/when the person needs help, I can be of help.

That said, I've been in Molly's situation a tad too often in the past. There was once when I loved a guy, who couldn't return my love, and my closest friend also had feelings for him. All the while, all of us had to be just friends, but when the guy was not around, I had to listen to my friend go on and on and on about him. It was an uncomfortable situation for everybody, but it was a painful, painful experience for me. My closest friend was busy yakking about the guy I was trying to forget, and wasn't prepared to listen to me.

How we came out of it virtually unscathed is quite a wonder. Time does heal pain, and physical distance does help. The guy eventually dated another girl, and if I'm not mistaken they're still together now. We used to talk to each other for hours every day. Today whenever I see him with his girlfriend, I just feel a twinge of discomfort, not the deep pain of before. When I hear of him doing things now which I'd asked of him before, but he never did with me nor for me, I feel a twinge too. Apparently I wasn't the right person who could entice/persuade him to do things for her. :)

So to whoever out there who is pain, please do remember that it is all temporary, really. Give it time, and things change. Letting it go or holding on to the pain is a choice.

Then again, I've heard people comment on how ruthless and heartless I am when it comes to distancing myself from emotions like grief and heartbreak (as if the world stops when someone dies and your heart breaks). People don't seem to understand that underneath happiness and cheerfulness there can be grief and pain. Just because I don't choose to wallow in it doesn't mean I don't feel it.

It means that I treasure life, and understand that grief and pain are but small parts of life, which by itself is a rich thing filled with many things to discover and treasure.

- last entry / next entry -

recent entries:

Monday, 27^th February 2006 - My house of cards finally comes down

Saturday, Feb. 25, 2006 - Books and fitness

Thursday, 23^rd February 2006 - Still fat and sleepless

Monday, 13^th February 2006 - Fat sleepless me

Sunday, 5^th February 2006 - It's more than just cartoons