Monday, 16^th November 2004 | 11:05 PM
Fourth anniversary

Back from yet another round of visiting. We could only visit three homes today, because we started late, after mom got off work. So we did only about three, and my parents spent a long time chatting with the people in each home. Catching up, since these are people we mainly see once a year during Hari Raya, or during weddings. I’m suddenly reminded of how people can have beautiful lavish weddings because they only invite a small number of people, and of colleagues while discussing so-and-so’s wedding plans at work, declare, “I don’t understand why my parents see it necessary to invite people we only see a few times in my lifetime to my wedding.”

That may be a valid point from a practicality point of view, but for us Malays, hospitality is a main trait. It might cost us, but many choose to still preserve it. When I finally get married, and my parents’ invite list would consist of people I hardly know, or only see once a year – I won’t mind as much. Partly it’s because I know my frugal, pragmatic parents won’t invite people who are not worth inviting. But partly it’s because I can understand their perspective.

Yes, it would be MY wedding, but it would be THEIR daughter’s wedding as well. And if they help to organize it in any way, I think it should be their right to want to share it with whoever they want. Because without my parents, I wouldn’t be here. Almost everything I have, I have because of them.

I was re-reading my Nora Roberts trilogy the other day, the one which was set in the west counties of Ireland. Her wonder with the rural Irish lifestyle comes across so clearly. And I was thinking you know what? The Irish and the Malays are so similar. We are so big on family and “community spirit”, we are traditionally very hospitable and open towards people. We are very rooted in religion. We don’t really believe money is everything (sadly, with urbanization, that’s changing).

Weddings and other festivals are for celebrating with friends and family – joy is to be shared. It’s an occasion where we can catch up with these people who mean a lot to us but we can’t meet often. Which is why for Hari Raya, one of the traditions will be to visit friends and family, because kinship and friendship are important in our tradition. And because for the rest of the year we will likely be so busy with our own lives, this gives us an excuse to meet up and renew our connection and catch up with each other.

I don’t know if with technological changes like email and once we Malays become more globalised all these will change. I know home is where the heart is, it’s nothing to do with with where you’re born or grew up. But I don’t know any other people who are as rooted as us. Maybe one day as we progress we will spread our wings and fly further, but I believe for most of us, we will still come home.

So it’s tedious, all this visiting home after home, family after family. And all the eating and drinking at each home is so unfriendly to any diet. ;-) But I appreciate them. The people we have today, we may not have them forever. It’s better to treasure them while they’re still around. Money can always be earned – but there are some things that are once lost, are lost forever.
In other news – today’s my fourth year anniversary on Diaryland! Yay! I can’t believe it’s been four years already. So I’m celebrating with a new layout, but I’ve yet to tweak it fully. Maybe by this weekend.

Thanks for reading (whether you've just discovered me, or have been reading this diary since four years ago), and you guys have a good week ahead! :)

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