Monday, 20^th March 2006 | 9:36 PM
It's like I'm Vulcan, or something

So, it hasn't been the best two weeks. About two weeks ago, I caught a cold. Days before I was down with the worst of it (high fever, headache, general achiness) and days after that, I had the bad case of the sniffles. I couldn't make a sound without having someone ask me if I was ok.

Needless to say, I had to skip gym. Being unable to breathe through my nose and stay awake for a certain amount of time sort of ensured that. And I had to go off Xenical for a while.

I returned to the gym slowly last week, and oh boy, it was enough of a lesson on how I should NOT skip gym for no good reason ever. The aches and pains, having to start all over again with yoga... I couldn't take it. My arms shook while I was doing the 'table' and the 'bridge' position, when just before the cold I was just gaining a sense of achievement at being able to do them.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.

I don't know which of it is the effects of me being ill, and which of it is because I couldn't go to the gym for a while. But I've been on the edge, and this week I've been ultra-guilty of emotional eating again. It's really bad, and I feel really horrible and guilty. I can finish a bag of Cheezels at one go.

I used to eat bags of Cheezels and not feel anything, but I'm not that way anymore. I was having the fiercest, fiercest craving for Coke this afternoon, and I managed to resist, only to pick up a bottle of Coke Light. I can't say I care much for the flavour, it has this diluted Coke taste... maybe I should've tried Coke Light with Lemon. But it's enough to cure my craving without pumping me up with too much sugar & caffeine.

I'm discovering that if I don't go to the gym at least 3 times a week, I seem to have this excess nervous energy to burn. I seem to be more irritable, more on the edge and less calm. If I don't exercise enough, I can't sleep well, and the whole destructive cycle continues. I feel this need to be in balance. I don't know whether it's some mind thing, whether it's just me who prefers my life to be in balance and makes my body follows it, or maybe my body can't take it if my life isn't in balance. I even need to balance gym time with yoga. Either I'm addicted to exercise, or maybe I am just insisting on taking care of myself in some ways.

Otherwise it's like I'm Vulcan, or something. Too little meditation and I snap.

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recent entries:

Saturday, 1^st April 2006 - The constant struggle

Sunday, 26^th March 2006 - Finding my stride again

Monday, 20^th March 2006 - It's like I'm Vulcan, or something

Monday, 27^th February 2006 - My house of cards finally comes down

Saturday, Feb. 25, 2006 - Books and fitness