Wednesday, 24^th November 2004 | 2:05 PM
Random stuff

In secondary school, I was incredibly hard-hearted. I was the dry-eyed girl who consoled easily teary classmates in hysterics. I was the one who remain dry-eyed during a sad movie. I don't know what happened in junior college. Maybe I got more in touch with my feminine side or something (having left my NCC days long behind). But I tear more easily now.

And I shed a few teardrops when I read this war account, as I always will. I cried a lot after watching Life is Beautiful. And I don't care what everyone else says, but we have got to work harder, much, much harder, before we decided to go to war. There is never only one person, or one side to blame in a war. And that's the most horrifying thing. War makes monsters of people. War makes victims of people. War sheds all our years of civilisation and bring us down to our most basic state - and I don't see that as anything to be proud about (because if it was something to be proud about, we evolved for what?).

But for a moment after I read that story, I thought if I'd rather be killed than kill, or or than to have to live through the ravages of war. I think that article made me feel how painful it is to have to snuff another life. No one human life exists in a vaccuum. Each of us, with our existence, has at least touched someone else in some way.

With a life gone, I see a the passing of a parent, or a sibling, or a spouse. Someone who's been loved or at least known to someone else.

I don't want to judge, but I know how I feel.

On a brighter, more cheerful yet more trivial note, I GOT MY NEW PHONE! Yay. I bought the last one they had of that particular model I wanted at a shop near my office. The sales rep said she didn't know why this phone is selling out so well. Well, it's a good phone! And Nicole, maybe I'll send you more emails while on the go. This phone is more web-enabled than my previous one was. Bright and sharp colour screen! I've been happily snapping things around with the camera-phone, even though it's no "real" digital camera, still... it's fun. ;-)

A stray thought came to me the other day. It was the end of a long day at work, and I just thought - man, the day I leave this job, probably I should consider leaving the corporate world altogether. I badly want to do something fulfilling. Travel. Write. Be a travel writer. :) Teach, maybe (I still have doubts whether this is something I can do, but I was thinking of teaching ESL or EFL overseas somewhere). Study more - resume my learning of French, learn a new language, pursue a second degree.

Damn bills to pay and loans to service. Bills are escapable - there are things which you can do without after all and can strive hard to cut back on. But loans, man. Those are unescapable. You can put them on hold for a while, but they still need to be repaid at the end. Unless I die, or something.

Ah... existential angst.

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