Not that I have that much time to be chatting. To recap my work-related activities for the past week, I've spent two whole days and half of an afternoon at meetings with sales managers for different publishers. I have one more such meeting tomorrow, and that should take up a good part of my day. Then there are the lunches, the dinners and so on that go along with these meetings. The annoying thing is that I go to these things because I have to, not because I really want to. So far I find these enlightening in various ways, exhausting and such a bother in some ways (because I having to bother with politics and so on) but I also sometimes find myself overwhelmed by the experience. Because the company or someone else pays for these meals, I feel like such a free-loader. And my inexperience has left me clueless about quite a lot of things that are discussed, so I feel all naive, if not stupid. Sigh.

On the bright side, I have quite a bit of money coming in this month because last year, one of the decisions that was taken after the merger that we get to sell back our unused leave time to the company, after which we can then commence working for the new merged entity under new terms and conditions. Having a bit extra money has got me a tad excited. I start dreaming of things to buy or exciting holidays which are within my reach now (I'm starting to imagine having been French in my previous life. I was probably a Javanese princess of some sort, more likely. Haha.). And then I come down to earth when I remember the bills and loans that I still have to pay off. And that I should really be working on getting my driving licence. Not to mention that a good part of the money actually goes to my CPF account.

Reality really bites.

In other news, mom and dad are busy house-hunting. One thing that has bugged me since the beginning of this is that we children have never been consulted about where we would like to live, or come to think of it on what we felt about having to move. It's all been the typical Asian parent attitude. We decide, it's our flat paid for by our money, you kids just have to accept the decision once it's made and that's that. Our government works the same way too, by the way, so you can imagine the joy I'm feeling. I feel all unenthusiastic about the move on so many reasons, chief of which, as selfish as it sounds, but I feel like I don't matter at all. I feel passive/aggressive in that I turn surly and churlish at the mere mention of moving, although it really is inevitable. I feel like a spoilt brat whenever I react that way, but I can't help it. Whenever my mom brings up a potential flat, I just tune her out. Or I try to show no interest. I feel horrible for doing that, but it's instinctive.

When the news came that my parents are selling the flat, I cried. Same thing when I heard the flat's been sold. I know I'm being whiny and melodramatic, but I felt as if my heart was bleeding from a thousand paper cuts. I guess I'll get over it.

My social life has been nil. It was Eid last Friday, met up with relatives and cousins but regretfully didn't spend much time talking. Felt like my dad's family has multiplied overnight in terms of the number of children. An interesting new development has been that I've been introduced to a guy via email. He's a colleague of someone who's been reading this diary for a while and was actually my senior at uni. We're still at the introductory emails stage ("Hi, my name is... and I like...". Something along those lines.) and he seems like a nice guy so far.

While on this issue, I received mail yesterday. It was in one of those envelopes that says "On Government Service". Except for those words, it was completely anonymous. I was thinking it was some super-important letter from the government. I opened it only to discover my complimentary membership to the SDU had been renewed. I wasn't aware that it was even complimentary at first (I just learnt of that when I checked out their website just now) and was panicking that I might be forced to pay for something I don't even want. Pathetic as it may sound, my opinion of the SDU is not as negative as it was since the services they provide are now available in many forms anyway. It's my opinion of the government for setting it up that's horrible. I view the SDU as just 'doing its job'. Nevertheless, there is no bigger turn off than having a "dating service" send its mail to you with the words ON GOVERNMENT SERVICE on the stupid envelope!